|
A Personal Examination of Socialisation
by Beverley Paine, Feb 2014
I was thinking about the subject of happy to be alone yesterday - actually it's been a bit of theme of my thoughts for some time now, in reference to me learning and accepting things about myself. But thoughts about my children slip in there too, mainly because of the unusual childhood they had (little or no school).
My parents and my partner's parents were happy with their own company but considered themselves social people, which basically meant that when they went out they got along with people with whom they found themselves chatting. Friends that came to visit them were rare and they seemed okay with that frequency level. Robin and I find ourselves in the same pattern. Our parents went to school and we went to school. Our children had a different experience in that regard but nonetheless it looks like they've adopted a similar structure and frequency to their social life.
I find myself asking, "Is this normal?" It isn't what is portrayed as normal and when I'm out and about on the weekend, say at the beach on these fine hot nights, notice clumps of same age(ish) people hanging together. More often than not these clumps are either all male or all female, though the ones with grey hair tend to have a mixture of both. I am wondering if this reflects the pattern set in school, and if so, why did I miss out? I was never one to belong to a girls group at school: I hung out with a mixed group of kids that didn't fit into any of the other groups. Was this because of the way my parents behaved socially?
I had a social life outside of school all the way through, first through Brownies and then Guides, and for most of my childhood through an active rock and mineral club which featured lots of field trips and camps with other families. No one could say I was deprived of social opportunities: as kids me and my siblings played with the other kids in our street after school. But here I find myself, happy with my own company for most of the time, content with companionship of my partner. My life is full and busy and I mostly socialise with my children (except online of course - I have a very active online social life!)
I don't feel 'normal' though. I keep thinking that something is missing from my life, that it's wrong and unhealthy to live like this, not being social with a large range of people, not wanting to be out and about meeting and making friends, getting to know almost everyone in my street and neighbourhood, etc. I feel like my social skills are inadequate because I don't have lots of friends (outside of cyberspace), just lots of acquaintances. And that set me to wondering, where do we learn our social skills?
Many people argue that school is where children are socialised. There's no question we are socialised at school: my concern regarding that is the quality of the social interaction and the motivation behind the kind of socialisation children experience there. But perhaps the primary socialising agent in our lives is our early life with our parents together with the effect of our inherited genes (including epigenetic).
I was taught to be well mannered though perhaps not polite. My parents encouraged me to be polite but I think I didn't notice enough of it in action: I definitely grew up suspicious of the concept. I wasn't taught how to be interested in what other people are doing or saying. Looking back now over fifty years of friendships most of us seem intent on hearing what we have to say, telling others what we're doing, how we responded to similar situations, etc. Being genuinely interested in the life of others isn't something that was modelled to me in my formative years or reinforced and encouraged through experience during my adult years. So where does one learn how to do that? It is something I'm learning to do now, by being mindful. It doesn't come naturally to me and I suspect that once upon it did but that natural ability was trained out of me.
I watch babies and toddlers and little people and although there are beautifully self-centred they are also amazingly social creatures, studying others intently, soaking up the knowledge and skills necessary to navigate life among others. That's how I know I once had the ability to notice, listen, pay attention and be mindful of what is important to others: as a very young person it was important to me, I wanted to belong, to be like them. And maybe that's what happened: I became like the people I was closest to as a child. Not the school kids in my class, nor my teachers, but my parents.
I didn't reflect on this when my children were young. I was too busy bolstering my rejection of school and its socialisation paradigm, plus getting on with living with all its complications and demands. I'm not sure what my reflections are saying or pointing to now. But I'm thinking that being mindful and genuinely attentive and caring about the lives of others, what they are doing and thinking and feeling, is worth pursuing and living and modelling: it feels like the missing jigsaw my personal socialisation puzzle.
Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you?
Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating
offering encouragement
and reassurance to families
wanting
better outcomes for their children.
Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.
Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.
"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people." Vanessa
"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!" Davina
"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others." Lesley
"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am
in the morning, I 've been encouraged!" Louisa
"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful." Gythaa
Want to learn how to write your own education plans to suit
your unique children's
individual learning needs?
Looking for quality curriculum and teaching tips ?
Over 1000 reassuring and
informative articles to help
build your confidence as an Educating Parent
|
|
Welcome to the World of Home Education
and Learning without School!
We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine
3 ESSENTIAL STEP BY STEP GUIDES
Let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration!
|
|
 |
"Your guidance, understanding, support & words of wisdom changed our lives." Leslie
"I feel specially inspired by Beverley's words and, the more I read her comments, the more inspired I feel, since
my need for support, respect for different parenting styles, and information are fully met." Marijo
|
The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.
The Educating Parent acknowledges the Traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Owners, the Custodians of Australia, and pay our respects to Elders past and present and extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people viewing this website.
Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.
Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!
|
About
Thank you for visiting!