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Holiday Blues - dealing with relatives who disagree with home educating
FAQ: How do you deal with relatives who quiz the children to see if they're 'behind' academically and compare them to schooled children? We no longer enjoy seeing the relatives because of this and we're seeing them less often as a result.
For years I wanted people around me to acknowledge and respect and in some instances with some people even approve of our choice to home educate our children, or at least respect our children. I was very attached to that want: it felt like a need. It is a need, but all the time I was actively seeking it, and that combined with the expectation based on past experience that it wouldn't be there which provoked anxiety and anticipation of disappointment. I was setting myself up to be reactive and irritated. I was setting myself up to allow the opinions of others to affect me - I still had considerable emotional attachment to their thoughts and opinions.
Way back when our kids were young I'd prep them beforehand - let them know that some people have no idea, aren't prepared to let go of entrenched views and attitudes, have different values, etc. I'd let them know that some people have no idea what it means to respect children, don't consider children as people just like them, worthy of equal respect, and that it is up to them (our kids) if they want to engage socially with people or not. And that just because we're related to people doesn't mean we owe them more social interaction than we would with strangers. In the beginning, I felt obliged to coax our children into being polite and responsive but the more I saw our kids being disrespected by certain people the more I backed off from doing that: if the adult wants a relationship with the children the adult needs to respect them and do the work that is required to maintain one.
I understand that the people that feel bonded to us and our children in some way have concerns, and many want to be helpful: perhaps we can give these people suggestions that will help them get more involved in our children's education and well-being in a more hands-on direct way. Instead of nagging us parents about our choices or covertly or directly testing the kids, they can play cards or a board game, or kick a footy with them, read a book to them, or build a LEGO set, or play Minecraft or whatever. Take them to the museum or wildlife, to exhibitions, science expo, etc. That's what I do with my grandkids. It's not hard. Building a relationship with children, getting to know them, treating them like people, isn't hard. Sometimes people need to know it is okay to support and contribute, rather than sit on the sidelines worrying about the children's education.
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