How often and how much should children socialise?

by Beverley Paine, March 2022

Children need access to other children in a variety of social settings for socialisation reasons but how much and how often is determined by individual needs, personalities and nature.

I frequently come across comments encouraging homeschooling families to ensure that their children are mixing and getting together with lots of children, that socialising in groups is absolutely essential and needs to be scheduled into children's weekly activities. I'm all for that, if that is what the kids themselves want, if it works for them, meets their needs.

The way I see it, the process of socialisation is way more than simply being with other people. Social skills are learned in many ways, but firstly in the home. This is where hopefully children are nourished, nurtured and valued, and social skills are scaffolded and demonstrated naturally, in natural rather than contrived settings.

Children learn socialisation through interaction with media too. In the early years this is usually books, TV, radio, and more recently digital media.

They learn it when they're out and about in their prams and pushers, sitting gazing at the world and people, making sense of what they see and hear. They're taking it all in and later they do their best to interact, needing responses that help to build a world view, expand their understanding.

This is natural socialisation. Socialisation doesn't have to be contrived or forced or coerced onto children..

Ideally socialisation takes into account the NATURE of the child: is responsive to the nature of the child. No child should be forced to socialise in ways that cause distress or require the child to try to change who they are.

Not all people enjoy hanging out in large groups, or even in small groups. Some do much better one-to-one. That's all they need. Plus their books, TV shows and movies, games, documentaries, songs, etc.
Most children are okay and enjoy hanging out with other kids on a regular basis. Some need to see other kids every day. Some need to see them once a week. Some, once a month. Whatever works for the individual child. Identify and help them meet THEIR needs, not what someone has determined is appropriate and good for some general idealised normalised child.