Deschooling: Question Your Motivations

by Beverley Paine

Much of what I learned about educating my children at home came slowly, almost painfully at times, as I learned to let go of what I thought I should do and began to listen to what my children needed, and reflected on how they were naturally learning despite my clumsy attempts at teaching them.

Nowadays I tell people to allow plenty of time to 'let go'. Changing old habits of thinking (de-schooling) takes time.

To be lasting change needs to be slow and considered, and achieved with mindfulness. Change also happens without any effort at all at this speed. All you really need to do is challenge your motivations regularly, remind yourself of what needs are actually present.

Ask yourself "Why do I want them to learn or do this?" frequently. We focus too much on the how and the when, grow anxious or obsessive about either.

Don't restrict this constant questioning of your motivations to the obvious educational lessons in homeschooling or unschooling life. I questioned things like cleaning teeth three times and day and why children should wear shoes...

I continually test my assumptions by imagining if I'd do and think the same thing if I lived in a different era, place, culture or if I were a different person. I accept and celebrate that my beliefs and attitudes are forever being adjusted in the light of my new understandings: this is the essence of learning!

Our home educating life became a lot easier for the whole family when I learned to identify my needs and wants, those that arose from my head and heart. Most of my earlier educational goals were based on assumptions, or what I thought was expected of me, as well as my fears that people would think I wasn't good enough as a mother or educator if I didn't live up to those expectations (which were guided by the parenting I had as a child, as well as the onslaught of messages from a hyperactive consumerist media!)

In those early days our homeschooling learning programs weren't centred; they weren't grounded in what each of my children needed to learn next in their lives, based on who they were. They were based on what society said they should be, and what I should be... and how what they thought I should do for my children's education to be 'successful'.

Once I slowed down and stopped rushing in to satisfy those unknown others, or the nagging critic in my head, I had time to watch and listen to my children as they played, talked to each other and to me, and worked.

I was surprised by how much work my children did each day. I used to think that they played all day, but when I stopped trying to organise their time so much, I saw that much of their play taught them the very lessons I'd spend hours meticulously preparing and documenting! Learning, play and work soon became inseparable.

For children, learning is invisible. It's a pity we make it visible because that can lead to confusion and stress, and stress has an unhappy knack of reducing our ability to learn!